So, I spend an inordinate amount of time on meme sites, and there tends to be a worrying amount of posts from people (I hesitate to say “males”) who casually throw out idiotic sexist shit, to equally worrying aplomb. Usually, this is limited to incessant complaints about the “friendzone” – which seems to me to be nothing more than a complaint that not everyone you want to fuck wants to fuck you back – but occasionally you get something like the post below. As such, I wish to exercise a neuron or two by tearing this to pieces, and not only because it’s been over a month since I’ve posted anything.
The absolute most common “joke” about feminism or women’s rights is the “observation” that women want equality right up to the point where they get all the perks and none of the drawbacks – so a woman hitting a man is EQUALITY, but a man hitting a woman is YOU CAN’T HIT ME, I’M A GIRL. I would have thought that the most simple-minded of us could figure out the proper way to deal with this disparity, and it is not, “If they want to be equal, they need to learn to take a punch” but rather the obvious: Let’s not have anyone hit anyone. Yes, occasionally there will be situations that necessitate violence by one person against another (otherwise boxing matches would get mighty tedious), but a good general rule to have is that cracking someone a shot is a dick move, whatever chromosome pairs you happen to possess.
I can take all of the below complaints about sexual harassment under one simple headline: Basic situational awareness. If you can’t tell if you’re in a situation where the moment calls for a passionate snog, then the time is likely not ripe for such a bold act. In fact, if you really can’t tell, it’s best to avoid such gestures. To be honest, I’m not the most emotionally perceptive person in the world, so I would be exceedingly wary. Hell, I’d probably inquire verbally. Which, as it turns out, is a really good idea in most situations – it avoids misunderstandings, and consent is good. Speaking of which, staring or touching ought to be done only with consent, and with the power of Basic Situational Awareness (TM), such consent is easy to ascertain – you fucking ask! Of course, this mainly applies to physical contact. You get to choose who gets to touch your stuff, and your body is the most integral part of your stuff. The below situation may well happen, but if you do happen to find such a shit-headed police officer, they’re as likely to ignore a woman’s accusations of molestation as a man’s – after all, look at what she was wearing/how much she was drinking/how she was behaving. Like violence, the solution isn’t to whine about unfairness, the solution is for no-one to grope anyone else. Staring, on the other hand, as long as it is not protracted, is basically entirely victimless, so just don’t be weird about it. Admittedly, I don’t know that women spend a great deal of time staring at men’s crotches (I’ve tried, and it rarely gives any hint of the bounty that lies within), but the charge that men stare at breasts is entirely true. Some people are okay with ogling, some aren’t. If you stare at someone, and they get offended, then apologise, and stop staring. Don’t nurse a grudge, and then run home to create a whiney little stickman comic on the internetz.
In all honesty, my enthusiasm for this has entirely evaporated. Every single complaint made in this idiotic little creation seems hinged on the misguided notion that everyone with particular junk is identical. All men are like men because they are men, and all women are totally different, and like all other women, because they are women. In my day, I have met women who would be offended if you didn’t notice, and even compliment, their breasts, and I have met men who throw around asinine comments about “women’s work” while sitting on their lazy arses. I’ve met men who don’t mind their arses being grabbed by a consortment of drunken hen partiers, and I’ve met women who think it’s perfectly fine for men to hit women if they get out of line. I’ve met people with every conceivable view on this stuff (short those who believe that sheep are controlling our actions with mind-beams). So the idea that this “comic” represents anything like reality is a pathetic fantasy of sexist knuckle-draggers. Rant over, bile expunged, and fast broken.